Beyond Romance: Why Boundaries Belong in Every Relationship

My last post about setting healthy boundaries received quite a bit of interest so, here is a follow-up!

Because "No" is a full sentence—no matter who’s asking.

So, you’ve dipped your toes into the world of boundaries. You’ve learned the basics (hopefully with a helpful worksheet or two), and maybe you’ve even started practicing saying “no” without a guilt hangover. Proud of you, truly.

But here's the thing most people miss:Boundaries aren’t just for toxic exes and clingy situationships.They’re for everyone—your mom, your best friend since third grade, your co-worker who overshares in the breakroom, your grown kids who treat your time like it’s on-demand. Yep. Every. Single. One.

Let’s talk about the importance of setting boundaries in all relationships—and why doing so is one of the most loving things you can do for yourself and others.

What Are Boundaries, Again?

Quick refresher: Boundaries are the invisible lines that define where you end and someone else begins. They help you protect your energy, needs, and emotional well-being. As psychologist Dr. Nina Brown describes, they are essential to maintaining a strong sense of self in our interpersonal dynamics (Brown, 1998).

Think of them like emotional fences. Not walls. Not barbed wire. Just enough structure to keep the garden of your life from getting trampled.

Why Boundaries Matter Everywhere

1. In Friendships

Ever had a friend who always makes it about them? Or one who only calls when they need something?

Boundaries in friendship help prevent emotional burnout. Research by Hall (2011) shows that mutual respect and emotional reciprocity are key indicators of healthy long-term friendships. That only happens when each person is allowed to say, “I can’t today,” without guilt.

✅ Try this: “I love you, but I can’t talk about this right now. Can we check in tomorrow?”

2. With Family

Ah yes—family, where boundaries go to die. But they shouldn’t.

According to Bowen Family Systems Theory (Kerr & Bowen, 1988), differentiating yourself emotionally from your family of origin is a critical part of adult development. That doesn’t mean cutting people off. It means learning to say, “I’m not available for that conversation,” without being dragged into generational guilt or drama.

✅ Try this: “I’m happy to visit, but I won’t stay if people start yelling.”

3. In the Workplace

Ever taken on more than you should because you didn’t want to seem “difficult”? Setting boundaries at work helps reduce burnout and improves job satisfaction (Maslach & Leiter, 2016).

Boundaries look like defining your work hours, your responsibilities, and your mental health needs.

✅ Try this: “I won’t be available after 6 PM, but I’ll follow up first thing tomorrow.”

4. With Your Kids (Even Grown Ones)

It’s not your job to be endlessly available. Boundaries help model healthy relationships and teach self-responsibility.

✅ Try this: “I love supporting you, but I can’t drop everything every time. Let’s come up with a better plan.”

The Psychology of Boundary Setting

Why is it so hard to set boundaries, especially with people we love?

Psychologist Dr. Brené Brown (no relation to Nina, but just as brilliant) reminds us that “Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind.” Avoiding boundaries may feel like compassion, but it leads to resentment—and resentment is a relationship killer.

Boundary-setting also supports emotional regulation, which is linked to lower stress levels, better mental health, and stronger interpersonal relationships (Gross, 2013). People who set healthy boundaries tend to have a clearer sense of identity and less anxiety (Hartmann, 2009).

Signs You Might Need Stronger Boundaries

• You feel drained after interactions

• You’re resentful, but you’re not sure why

• You say yes when you mean no

• You avoid people to avoid confrontation

• You feel guilty when you prioritize yourself

  
  

Sound familiar? Then it’s time to get clear.

Friendly Reminder: Boundaries Aren’t Mean. They’re Mature.

If someone gets upset when you set a boundary, it says more about them than it does about you. You’re not being “difficult” or “selfish.” You’re being responsible for your own emotional ecosystem.

You teach people how to treat you by what you allow—and every boundary you set is a love letter to your own well-being.

Final Thoughts: Love Yourself Loudly

Setting boundaries in all your relationships isn’t about building walls. It’s about creating bridges that support mutual respect, emotional safety, and actual connection. It’s not always easy, especially if you’re a recovering people-pleaser, but it is worth it.

Boundaries are how we love without losing ourselves.And baby, that’s a vibe we’re not negotiating.

Receipts:

Brown, N. (1998). Children of the Self-Absorbed: A Grown-Up's Guide to Getting Over Narcissistic Parents. New Harbinger.

Gross, J. J. (2013). Emotion regulation: Taking stock and moving forward. Emotion, 13(3), 359–365.

Hartmann, T. (2009). ADHD and the Edison Gene: A Drug-Free Approach to Managing the Unique Qualities of Your Child. Park Street Press.

Hall, J. A. (2011). Sex differences in friendship expectations: A meta-analysis. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 28(6), 723–747.

Kerr, M. E., & Bowen, M. (1988). Family Evaluation: An Approach Based on Bowen Theory. Norton & Co.

Maslach, C., & Leiter, M. P. (2016). Burnout and Work Engagement: A Thorough Analysis. Psychology Press.

Brown, B. (2012). Daring Greatly. Gotham Books.